this is a simple micro-blog of me doing The Hikers Way to recover my music practice in order to write and record an original song.
Each day you’ll see an image followed by a simple description. This was to keep me accountable and also function as an inspiration for you to recognize that creative habits/ practices/ rituals aren’t linear and don’t look the same every day. You can learn more about my spoon ideas in this newsletter dispatch.
When I made the pod-class I didn’t want to just make another course and release it out into the world, I wanted to show you how it has genuinely helped me become more embodied and intuitively connected with the practice of making music, my favorite form of creative rest.
Below I tracked only level 3 spoon days or above. I allowed myself to try and rest more when I feel I have less to give, and taking off the pressure to post. You will see gaps in post days below! In those, I was resting or intentionally using less energy on those days for this specific creative practice. There also were be days where my job, family, or health obligations came before some imaginary legendary idea of consistency. I have a quilt of disabilities that make able-bodied expectations of the world completely unrealistic. The goal of a creative practice is persistence, not perfection.
want to hear the song i wrote after going through this practice?!
date: Monday, November 17th 2025
energy level: 4 / 5 spending time practicing old songs that have been slowly coming back to me like walking paths I've known for ages. as these original chord patterns re-arrive it has been extra fun to play along with my partner, practicing different instruments alongside me as a way to integrate the old with the new.
feeling: an intense returning and reintegration period is emerging. I’m becoming a renewed version of my old self, ready to see whats possible in terms of reconnection and tender holding.
date: Sunday, November 16th 2025
energy level: 5 / 5 I took my first guitar apart today. It was beautiful being able to witness the way my hands have shaped the frets, learn to more deeply adjust the sound and settings, and honor the object that helped me make music in the first place
feeling: a deep gratitude for this object’s 21 years with me. how it shaped so much of my early life as a fundamental part of my identity. this is where I unlocked the craft of making music and slowly grew into a person.
date: Saturday, November 15th 2025
energy level: 4 / 5 left my own studio space to start working on collaborating with, and playing alongside other musicians. What was supposed to be a clothes mending brunch turned into a jam session with friends. Playing music as a collaborative effort is truly liberating and joyful.
feeling: super excited about the potential of playing shows, collaborating with others and continuing to deepen my self study as a method of connection.
date: Wednesday, November 12th 2025
energy level: 3 / 5 the last week or so has been a struggle for me, recognizing the places where I am having too much on my plate has been a little hard to navigate. I decided to just put my guitar in my hands while listening back to an audio voiceover of a new essay I wrote.
feeling: I’m feeling really excited about the idea of being able to really play with the score and sound in more of my videos and even audio recording works. writing tiny melodies that help move the process forward is a place where I feel I can finally integrate the music practice into the larger body and evolution of my work.
date: Tuesday, November 4th 2025
energy level: 4 / 5 I brought back my floor cushion as a place to start and immediately had an old song pop back into my head. It seems that environmentally, I need the floor ritual space as the start for tapping into creative play rather than sitting at a desk or cabinet.
feeling: My teenage self was thrilled at what occurred. I could hear a song in my head, find the tempo, build a beat, and record three separate song sections. The ability to plant seeds and move things from my mind, through my body, and into reality is incredibly magical and important. My gratitude in this moment is immense and unwavering.
date: Friday, October 31st 2025
energy level: 3 / 5 as it turns out, change is an energy limiter for me. I setup the new more ergonomic studio and then mostly avoided it. Suddenly things got way more complicated (I added pedals) and the idea of tapping in felt less playful and more like work. I spent most of the week hearing my partner add things to and collaborate with my sketches which ultimately motivated me to show up to make once again.
feeling: I’m finding it challenging to create a good balance between creative rest and work. Work has been falling into the demand-avoidance category lately and I’m definitely not thrilled with that. Going to try mirroring similar energy menu systems for all practices and see if that helps me show up (I have a zine to finish!) to the creative spaces that aren’t knitting (almost done with my second sweater)
I feel there is a seed here to talk about the seasons of different practices, recognizing that, like plants, they have fallow periods and periods of intense growth. Right now the novelty of being close to finishing a project in knitting, and its ability to calm my anxiety about the state of the world makes it a hearty perennial whereas my painting sketchbook has been fallow, but is coming back like a brassica vegetable ready to ride out the winter in style.
date: Monday, October 27th 2025
energy level: 5 / 5 chronic pain flare ups in my spine were keeping me from showing up to the meditation cushion. I could only sit to make music for a maximum of an hour at a time. And despite the setup feeling really magical, it made my body upset. So, on my day of rest, it was time to rebuild the music studio. Took an old set of drawers, added plywood shelves, and set everything up so that I could use my neurodivergent chair. I can kneel! I can sit cross-legged! I can sit like I’m in an office all ergonomic like. Most importantly, I can stand while I play.
feeling: bittersweet. I loved the floor space and might find a way to bring it back somehow in my extremely tiny 60 sqft space, but I have to consider my body and disabilities when setting things up to be kind to myself. I put guitar pedals next to me on the floor yesterday and tripped over them more than once, so I really had to come to terms with the fact that I had become a hazard to my own health. This is a much more compassionate space that will allow me to make for longer, and I need to add some good rock collections to the shelves to help it feel a bit more magical again.
date: Sunday, October 26th 2025
energy level: 3 / 5 spoon day - Despite a big pain flare up, I showed up to make! Sometimes the tiny efforts pull through. I got out my first guitar that I’ve been holding onto since I was 13 and immediately reconnected with it. Each instrument has its own unique qualities that it reveals. They each seem to want to be played different ways. This realization is incredibly fun and feels like a prompt I get to discover more and more each day.
feeling: confident and optimistic. Spent a large majority of the day sharing the files of sketches I made with my partner. We’re starting to collaborate again and that feels quite special as an opportunity. Maybe I’m in a band again? Maybe I’ll finally release music things into the world.
date: Monday, October 20th 2025
energy level: 5 / 5 spoon day - Today was a rest day after a long weekend of hosting guests and teaching. Friday - Sunday were LOW LOW spoon days. I made three big goals after spending the weekend hosting guests and listening to the new purity ring album. 1. learn how to record a guitar sample, and use that sample with the sequencer (hard!) 2. learn how to side chain using the compressor to get the vibrating techno sound purity ring gets and 3. learn the bass line from Plastic Love. I finished the first two before I got fatigued and needed to seriously rest once more
feeling: I am finally feeling confident with software again! Rather than my brain just glazing over at the first sign of problems I am developing more patience and the shame sense is fading. This feels like a real breakthrough and I might need to re-adjust my spoon requirements after I finish the hikers way next month.
date: Thursday, October 16th 2025
energy level: 3 / 5 spoon day - I realized after spending a few days listening REALLY CLOSELY to Nothing But Flowers by the Talking Heads, I am totally not playing the chords right. The song has jazz chords, played further up the neck vs. “campfire” or folk chords played in their traditional spots. I had to get my old transposition system out and the barre chord shapes are feeling really challenging for me… so when I have a high energy day, I’m gonna figure how to play this with a capo!
feeling: good to just have my guitar in my hand again, connecting to the practice and building those calluses once more.
date: Wednesday, October 15th 2025
energy level: 5 / 5 spoon day - today I set a really challenging technical limitation for myself - make a song 1. using only the MIDI controller 2. that applies syncopation and 3. that is inspired by a tarot card.
feeling: I had so much fun bopping around and adding spooky MIDI vocals that sounded like New Order. I was impressed at what I was able to do with this despite a really strange result. I think, overall the experience of making things needs to be about that detachment from outcome and focus on process.
date: Monday, October 13th 2025
energy level: 4 / 5 spoon day - I spent several days in a state of a major chronic fatigue episode. The long COVID persists, but so do I. This afternoon I gave myself the rule: get the guitar in your hand” and within a few minutes my inner teen emerged, only this time, equipped the the confidence to build a song around their noodling.
feeling: it felt fun to feel more confident writing bass lines and understanding how to support the intuitive parts of myself with techniques I have been practicing when higher energy levels are available. it has also been fun bearing witness and supporting others navigating through returning to or starting music practices. things are feeling great, despite not having anywhere near the energy I hoped I would have in the social media fast phase. Instead, I think my body is finally actually resting rather than being constantly overstimulated.
date: Wednesday, October 8th 2025
energy level: 3 / 5 spoon day - I spent the large majority of today out in the forest recovering from a long COVID episode on Tuesday. When I’m working weekends, these midweek breaks are super necessary. I was able to build out some tracks but nothing really felt good.
feeling: glad i showed up. BUT big mood around imposter syndrome finally coming through, aknowleging and finding my growth edge and roadblocks is something that is always super emotional and heavy. I know ways to improve where I’m lacking and need to just spend more time studying when i have more energy, then integrating those studies. Back to covers for awhile!
date: Monday, October 6th 2025
energy level: 5 / 5 spoon day - I DELETED ALL SOCIAL MEDIA APPS FROM MY PHONE AND I WROTE THREE SONGS TODAY. one of them was silly, one was heavy, and one was responding to the Oblique Strategies prompt “what wouldn’t you do?” and creating a maximalist drum track was actually very fun. I also finished my halloween costume.
feeling: the connection to my musical voice again. all of a sudden i can hear beat ideas, bass lines, my attunement to the music i listen to is much more clarified. I know how people are doing things, and im finding ways to integrate more of what i love into my practice. theres such a tender joy i feel in having this connection open up to me once again.
date: Sunday, October 5th 2025
energy level: 3 / 5 spoon day - i had social obligations today but a sinus infection and dizziness took hold. i needed to rest and creative rest is one of the core ways. worked on learning the vocal melody for logging field on the guitar and successfully recorded it. feeling more confident with production pacing, timing, and potentially songwriting.
feeling: inspired to write my own things, attempt to play guitar in ways that i thought wasn’t still possible. its really wild how playing instruments is so bodily/embodied. simply not playing for years does not mean that my body has forgotten how to do this. its also such a beautiful practice of checking myself and my ego at the floor pillow. i cannot think about other things while im playing, i have to feel completely present in this moment with no other thoughts, just sitting in the river of the song.
this is why the very idea of “ai music” or “ai art” is fundamentally so horrifying to me. why would you give up feeling creativity through your body? for the sake of productivity or efficiency? to completely relinquish the sensations that make you human? fuck off.
date: Saturday, October 4th 2025
energy level: 5 / 5 spoon day - I finally learned about filters in audio software and how the different shapes work! That small technical change is helping me feel like I can mix sounds and layer more effectively without creating mud.
feeling: art is such a helpful balm to overcome any feelings of hopelessness, fear, and despair. i wrote a song that my inner 16 year old would’ve flipped out about making. tomorrow i need to listen closely to (and dance to) the postal service. That type of sonic vibe is feeling like where i want to be at the moment. maybe its the photobooth photos!
there is also a big release of shame around taking so many rest days when i was hosting a guest. this deeply personal practice does not need to be at the same level of flow and inspiration daily. instead i am finding a sense of belonging in the waxing and waning. feeling more in tune with the present moment that i can actually control.
i also realized after leaving my job at apple, tech often felt like a villian. and i definitely still feel this way about ai and the bolsterers of the theft of labor value for artists BUT these small aspects of learning new and relearning ways to technology are a reminder of my enthusiasm for it in the first place. they are creative tools. they can be partners instead of thieves.
date: Friday, October 3rd 2025
energy level: 4 / 5 spoon day - attempted to tab out a cover on my own of logging field by Annabelle Dinda and had to rewire everything after loaning out my interface. Got things setup quickly, the troubleshooting aspects are feeling less scary the more familiar the practice becomes. Recording, a thing that often feels so intimidating, is becoming a second nature practice.
feeling: This song a set of very fun problems to solve. I am starting to see the different parts of music theory that might interest me to draw out some visual systems again. Overall inspired by this particular practice yet again and glad I made time to tune in.
date: Thursday, October 2nd 2025
energy level: 3 / 5 spoon day - worked on a cover of nothing but flowers by the talking heads. honestly, excited that this song is going to make me learn music theory because the key changes are chaotic and very fun. going to print out a chord sheet to look at with coffee tomorrow.
feeling: I haven’t been able to show up with more than level 1 or 2 energy for 8 days. Part of that has been our home becoming a recording studio for my partner and his bandmate for 7 of the last 8 days. Hosting is fun, but it takes so much out of me! The other day was the anniversary of my grandmother’s passing which always requires a big slow grief day.
The other has been the general heaviness and malaise of the past week of news. Has the pull of the scroll mirror felt stronger for anyone else lately? Really looking forward to quitting social media for a week (or more) and seeing what it does to this practice!
I’m preparing to quit by going through all my drafts on TikTok, editing and posting the ones that are decent, and then installing social apps on my ipad, a thing i almost never have on me or compulsively check. That way I can still put work out in the world, but will not be tempted easily to scroll. Looking forward to what energy shifts and routines come available to me in this!
date: Wednesday Sept 24th 2025
energy level: 4.5 / 5 spoon day - yesterday was so hot. I had negative -2.5 energy so the brief respite of rain this morning (and rainbow!) really helped me feel like myself again. went on a short, gentle walk and then discovered a new song that i tried to learn by ear! (hence the extra .5 spoon. learning things by ear does require a bit of troubleshooting and intuiting that i normally only try with a lot of energy)
feeling: my emotions are pretty heavy today with grief, still processing everything that came up while i was in sequoia national forest, seeing so much destruction hit me like a brick. but it felt really good to spend a lunch break (a thing i always forget to take) massaging my way through the progression. I still don’t have it down perfectly, but perfection is entirely not the point. It felt very good to feel the music through my body as the guitar resonated against me.
date: Monday Sept 22nd 2025
energy level: 4/5 spoon task day - worked on a cover of Brando by Lucy Dacus. succeeded in being able to route instruments through one another (magic!), create a guitar effects chain that felt good, and play along to a song i love to dance to. very good, 10/10 the energy i had going into this was from a social rest when knitting in a queer meetup group. being in kinship with others like myself finding joy is so important in these times.
feeling: excited and positive. those lower energy days of connecting to my interests musically make this feel wholehartedly like a better experience. i also realized, when trying to record the vocal melody, and being distracted, then couldnt was a revelation. music is one of the few creative practices where i cannot multitask. the need for a singular focus makes it feel far more intuitive, less destractable, and far better at treating my anxiety.
this is just like plein air painting. there is so much to do and take in at once. it makes me realize that the discomfort in the studio of always needing a thing playing in the background makes it too easy for emotionally manipulative and negative content to slip into the focus of what im doing. looking forward to a social media fast for at least a week (including youtube!) and seeing how an RSS feed soothes my nervous system.
also makes me want to experiment for a week just listening to birdsong or nature sounds, OR music, when painting would be a better way to connect to myself.
date: Saturday, Sept 20th, 2025
energy level: 3/5 spoon task day - worked on a cover of broken social scene
feeling: finally settling into the habit of an evening practice once again and felt really inspired by the lyric of “park that car, drop that phone” that i built a whole multi track composition supporting that. i think overall this pull towards this track is a sign that im really looking forward to the social media break in week two.
date: Friday, Sept 19th, 2025
energy level: 5/5 giant spoon task day - setup floor space for making/recording music to make it feel more like a ritual
feeling: immediately felt excited and ready to create/make here. recorded a sketch that sounded right out of 2003 and made me think a lot about xanga and what that practice was like
date: Thursday, Sept 18th 2025
energy level: 3/5 spoon task day - started plotting out floor space for making music in my studio again and spent time studying my notebook of chord progressions
feeling: recognizing this practice is less of a situation where i need to start over entirely and instead simply a closed door i just need to kindly reopen. I left so many compassionate threads to sew back together into something that i can wear and keep me comforted in these strange times.
date: Monday, Sept 15th 2025
energy level: 4/5 - intuitive practice
feeling: inspired, at peace and open to seeing what happens without expectation. finding out that a very minimal setup can work while I’m camping is a huge breakthrough for me.